Saying "YES"

     I am a pleaser....lets just get that out of the way from the get go.  I learned it well from my religious up bringing and my failed marriage.  I wanted others to be happy and then I could be happy.  What I learned after many years of frustration is that making someone else happy doesn't always turn out to be good for me.  I ended up doing things that I didn't really want to and inconveniencing my schedule. Often I thought I was helping people and I ended up enabling them.  Other times I thought I was helping and I ended up hurting people because in the end I couldn't deliver and had to bail on them.
    So why do I write this today?  Summer has just begun and many people in my life want me to do certain activities this summer.  It is not wrong for them to want to do these things but I have to learn how to handle these requests.  First I need to remember that just because someone asks me to do something does not mean I have to do it.  I know that sounds stupid,  its just a request but for me it changes in my head to "how will I fulfill this request".  Next I have to communicate clearly.  Most people need to hear a clear "NO", not my usual wishy washy "let me see if I can work that into my schedule" or "maybe".  In others minds that wishy washy talk turns into "yes" and when I can't do what they requested they are disappointed and feel that I have let them down....and I have because I didn't communicate clearly.  I also need to be realistic about what I can do.  In most cases being an optimist is great but when it comes to scheduling activities it is disaster to think I can do way more than I can, someone always gets hurt (others or myself).
     Let's talk about guilt.  I have a few people in my life who hit my guilt button when I try and say no to their request.  I of course have taught them that guilt works on me.  I need to change that.  I think just recognizing what is going on is the first step.  Someone can lay guilt on me but I don't have to wear it!
     I want to do things for others and I do often.  I love it when I can make someone happy because of what I can do for them BUT I can not do everything that everybody asks of me.  This lesson will help me and people in my life have a much better summer and the activities I say "yes" to will be enjoyed fully!