All I ever needed to know....I learned during a Kitchen Remodel

All I ever needed to know....I learned during a Kitchen Remodel

I just have a feeling that the above title is going to be so true.  It is already starting and I might as well make the most of this learning opportunity.  Let me tell you about lesson #1.

I called up a well known kitchen remodel place to meet with their designer and get ideas and a quote.  That part is free.  I planned to meet with 3 different companies and was upfront about that fact.  The first company was in Grosse Pointe.  For those of you reading this who don't know anything about my area, I will give you a little side note.  Grosse Pointe has some really really beautiful homes and people with a whole lot more money to spend than me.  When something is expensive or over the top my kids and I say it is "Grossie Pointie".  The first designer was definitely "Grossie Pointie".  

I want a cottage kitchen, white cupboards, and a farm sink.  I want storage, storage and more storage!  I tell the designer guy this.  He asks me about the flooring.  I tell him I have been thinking about tile or wood floor.  He tells me,  "you can't do tile in this small space it will look too chopped up".  Excuse me, did you just say "I CAN'T do something".  This is my house and I CAN do anything I want, kinda scary that you don't realize this Mr. designer guy!

He starts talking to me about the kind of storage I want.  I tell him I am a pull out shelf kind of girl.  I do not do well with deep drawers which he keeps suggesting.  Deep drawers for me are like toy boxes, I put things in there and they get all jumbled up.  He says "you MUST have a combination of pull out shelves and deep drawers".  Seriously dude, again with the "MUST".

By the end of two meetings he had drawn up "his" little "Grossie Pointie" kitchen which would be like hundreds of others he has designed the RIGHT way...HIS way. He had deep drawers which he just knew I would end up loving and thanking him for later.  I canceled our final "free" meeting so as not to waste anymore of our time since I had decided against using his company.  When I returned a sample he had lent me he would not even acknowledge my presence.  

So lesson #1 is BE TURE TO YOURSELF AND DON'T LET SOMEONE TELL YOU THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE RIGHT WAY TO BE!

and maybe lesson #1b would be to watch how I word things when I teach.  Instead of words like "can't" and "must" which had such a negative response from me, how about words like "try" and "maybe".  Imagine if designer guy had said "you might want to try wood flooring to keep it simple and have it flow with the rest of your hardwood" (which another designer guy said and I totally agreed with that!)  

People

    I am thinking about the people in my life today.  Some rather complicated issues have come up lately at work and I am trying to figure out how I am supposed to act in these situations.  First of all I am a Christian, not just someone who has certain religious traditions but someone who tries to always follow the teachings of Jesus.  I am also in a career where one must stand up for oneself, be assertive and be able to confront others when needed.  How do I combine these two things?  This week I would have to say "not well"!
     I think the secret lies in looking at how Jesus handled complicated issues in his life. He was not a doormat that is for sure!  He created discord often.  But the big thing that stands out is that Jesus was very clear on his motivation.  Everything he did was out of love for God, even his anger was out of love for his Father.  His goal was to have everyone come to God.  His goal was to love all people.  Loving people isn't always making them feel good, sometimes it is confronting them with things that need to change.
     Here is where it gets tricky.  I don't always see the picture clearly.  I may not know all the facts, and working for a public institution people keep knowledge for themselves on purpose because it gives them power.  If I went with my religious training I would never confront and I would be a beaten down rug for all others to walk on.  If I go with the public institutions way of dealing with things I would grab a hold of knowledge and keep it to myself until just the right time when I would pull it out to look  like I was in charge.  
     My choice is to try and do what Jesus did.  Notice I said "try", knowing full well I will fail sometimes.  There are certain things that I know are best for my students.  I need to continually be willing to work for those things even if it means confronting someone.  I need to confront someone instead of making them the subject of conversations with others.  My motivation needs to be my love of Jesus and what is best for my students.
      What a tall order!  I need to pray....often.....continuously......from the heart........

Saying "YES"

     I am a pleaser....lets just get that out of the way from the get go.  I learned it well from my religious up bringing and my failed marriage.  I wanted others to be happy and then I could be happy.  What I learned after many years of frustration is that making someone else happy doesn't always turn out to be good for me.  I ended up doing things that I didn't really want to and inconveniencing my schedule. Often I thought I was helping people and I ended up enabling them.  Other times I thought I was helping and I ended up hurting people because in the end I couldn't deliver and had to bail on them.
    So why do I write this today?  Summer has just begun and many people in my life want me to do certain activities this summer.  It is not wrong for them to want to do these things but I have to learn how to handle these requests.  First I need to remember that just because someone asks me to do something does not mean I have to do it.  I know that sounds stupid,  its just a request but for me it changes in my head to "how will I fulfill this request".  Next I have to communicate clearly.  Most people need to hear a clear "NO", not my usual wishy washy "let me see if I can work that into my schedule" or "maybe".  In others minds that wishy washy talk turns into "yes" and when I can't do what they requested they are disappointed and feel that I have let them down....and I have because I didn't communicate clearly.  I also need to be realistic about what I can do.  In most cases being an optimist is great but when it comes to scheduling activities it is disaster to think I can do way more than I can, someone always gets hurt (others or myself).
     Let's talk about guilt.  I have a few people in my life who hit my guilt button when I try and say no to their request.  I of course have taught them that guilt works on me.  I need to change that.  I think just recognizing what is going on is the first step.  Someone can lay guilt on me but I don't have to wear it!
     I want to do things for others and I do often.  I love it when I can make someone happy because of what I can do for them BUT I can not do everything that everybody asks of me.  This lesson will help me and people in my life have a much better summer and the activities I say "yes" to will be enjoyed fully!

“If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.”

Women at Risk

These beautiful scarves were for sale at "Women at Risk International" in Grandville, Michigan.  Women from all over the world support their families by making jewelry and crafts.  Many have been rescued from abuse and prostitution.  

The most interesting thing for me besides all the beautiful items was overhearing one of the staff having a discussion with someone about how working with our hands has always been a way that women have dealt with crisis.  I started thinking about my own life and I found that statement to be true.  I baked  bread when my son died, so much so that a friend dubbed me "the good grief bakery". I took up photography when I went thru a divorce, as evidenced by my taking my camera to the Women at Risk shop the other day.  Lately I have been drawn to sewing which is helping me thru a break-up.  I see this pattern in my own mom also.  She has taken up knitting  again while she adjusts to my father's passing.  

It is so satisfying to start and complete a project.  Life on the other hand is full of starts and stops and not completing.  Making something of beauty is gratifying.  Making something beautiful out of one's life is complicated.  Things often don't turn out quite as beautiful as one would hope.  So as we try and make something out of our messy lives it is a gift to hold something of beauty that we have created in our hands.  

Food

   Time with my special guy taught me about FOOD!  I have sampled more things in the 5 years with him than in my entire life before meeting him.  He was passionate about good food.  I learned it is better to go once to a great restaurant than 20 visits to a fast food joint.  He took time to prepare wonderful meals and served them with care.  Presentation is important.  He enjoyed the process as well as the results.  Keeping it simple was his philosophy, he said good quality food didn't need a lot done to it.  I am trying to take some of that philosophy with me.  I am aiming to do more meal planning.  I want to enjoy the process and not view it as a chore but a pleasure.  Cooking is fun!

new Year.  new beginnings.  this is going to a year of changes.  i must do this year without my guy, without that special man that always had my back.  it was my choice and i do believe the right one however that doesn't make it any easier.  i will never meet someone as passionate and interesting as he is, of that I am sure.  he has touched almost every area of my life.  i have learned so much from him.  i don't want to forget the things I learned from my years with him.

he taught me the value of having routines.  things like cleaning up the kitchen after a meal.  making coffee the night before so all you have to do is flick the switch (it makes getting out of bed so much easier).    i always viewed routines as a chore but he showed me that they make your life more enjoyable.  I am taking comfort in routines right now as i grieve this loss.  i want to keep learning and appreciating routines!